His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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