Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
