I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
