he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
