3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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