Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
