i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
