I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
