If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
