If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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