okay pat passed out under dana's car
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
