I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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