I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
