I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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