people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
