He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
