Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
