can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
