Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
