I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
