Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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