We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i will never coherently bang her
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
