some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
and you fell through a lawn chair
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
