I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
