so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
