I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
