I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
