Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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