are you still at the devil's house?
I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
