why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
