we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
