ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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