Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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