my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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