My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
