how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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