You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize