Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize