I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Let's get the cat blown out
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
