I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Randomize
