if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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