so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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