My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
