No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
