Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
