I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
