Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
