it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize