I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
