At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
