Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
