Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You really coming over, don't trick.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize