Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
