I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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