Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
