Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
