the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize