Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
