I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
