Sry I called you an 8
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
