textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize