I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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