ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
