someone threw a dead crab at me
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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